21 weeks and counting

If I start a countdown now I'll be in for a long ride but each week is a milestone to me. I feel the baby kicking a good part of each day. He or she is very active. I had a doctor's appointment Thursday. My first one actually. I had the "pre-natal class" which turned out to be just an accounting of past pregnancies and such. She went over a bit of nutritional info which this pregnancy I may actually follow. My doctor visit was interesting. I've changed, he's changed in the 4 years since I've had a baby. He has been my doctor for 6 kids. He didn't quite agree with all of my nutritional offerings especially when he found out I'd been to a homeopathic doctor. "You have to be careful not to be taken advantage of" and "you can't believe everything you read" type comments.

Then came the part which happened nearly every visit with my last child. At your age, and with this number of babies you are at risks for etc., etc., etc.. I do understand there are risks and I should be thankful he wants me to be aware of them but there are risks in life and having a baby doesn't need to be so complicated I think. We are leaning towards having this baby at home. I have an ultrasound next month and then I'll call the midwife and set that ball rolling. Have a wonderful week. I am off to spend a few minutes in prayer, now that the children have all wandered in, we'll see how many I get! :)

21 Weeks

Somewhat better state of mind!

I tried, really tried to start my day out in prayer today. I got out my list and sat down but I did it after I showered. Then children stirred one by one and I kept my head bowed and kept praying, stopping once in awhile to say something and then my brother came with my nephew and that was it, 15 minutes of conversation and at this point I sat down again and said "In your name I pray, Amen" School was a bit better today and I was a little less picky on some things mostly because I'm mindful of it but starting the day with the Lord gives you a different frame of mind. I knew I was accountable. I still stumbled and did wrong.

Children are so beautiful though. I was dropping kids off at the church tonight and I helped Moriah with her jacket. She says, "You're so nice and kind." My heart melted. She is so sweet. Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment! I am 20 weeks along. Halfway there! :) Praise the Lord.

Disgruntled and ashamed of it!

My husband is home sick. He hasn't been feeling good for awhile and as I go through my day I wonder if our crying, complaining, disgruntled way of life isn't the cause of it. As I listen to the children and their fighting back and forth and talking to me and to Kevin I hear so much of this plus unfortunately, I hear myself. I found myself listening to me today, really listening and I sound like them!!!! (Which I know really means they sound like me.) I am so into getting school done for the year that I have become the greatest picker ever. I pick at how this one sits, how this one answered me, how this one should have done it this way, how this one does this and so on and so on. I don't know how to stop. Once I realized it I tried but it kept coming out! I am not happy with myself for this rut I've created and need to get out of it for all of our sakes. I am ashamed to say but I haven't been turning to the Lord for help because frankly he must be sick of me sounding like a broken record. I know that isn't true but it is probably I just don't want to hear me say the same thing again. Thankfully, God has given me another day to do it differently.

Hello from Computerland

We took our computer in finally and it was being bogged down by some programs that weren't compatible but now our virus protection isn't quite what it should be because that program was part of the problem. Still working on a dial-up system but even connecting to internet is easier.

I am finally feeling better with this pregnancy. Rarely am I nauseous. I get real tired at times now and then. I had a wonderful day outside cleaning up gardens and the yard and then we got 6 inches of snow! I hope to get my garden order together today. I am only going to order 100 strawberry plants and not the 300 I had planned! That day of raking convinced me I am not up to that much work. I am planning on trying blueberries. Mmmmm. It is hard for me to believe but I love gardening. I was not an outdoor worker person growing up or even the first years of our marriage. Part of the gardening hype for me is that it is actually a successful endeavor. I don't like to fail as many of you will agree, who does? It can feel like I am not so successful as a mother and teacher and probably wife too much of the time so I fall back on something that is tangible and touchable and looks so nice. Which means I should probably look to what I need to improve on as a mother and wife and put as much care into that as I do my plants and the planning of planting them. God has given us so many analogies in His kingdom. What fruit I would I bear if I took that much care with pruning and weeding in my family and me. I get weary of fighting, sassing, arguing and such that it is easier to let it go some of the time and let my response to it go. One day at lunch I said there were only allowed positive things to say. Rebekah says "Babies are cute" Gideon says " Food is good" and so on. It was fun to hear them. Now to keep it up from me and from them. We need to get some good fresh air and 6 more inches of snow is expected tomorrow so again we'll wait for the sunshine and nice weather of Spring to help boost our spirits. Have a good weekend and God Bless.

Somewhat good news!

As you may know we started the adoption process before the pregnancy so I had applied for some grants. We did get one already for whenever we get a placement. Well, yesterday, I got another letter but the catch is they will give a matching grant up to $2500. It isn't just a plain grant that you get for nothing. The other catch is all donations have to be given to them by May 18th. I'm not sure what do to at this point with it. We still plan to adopt after the baby is born but we don't have any idea what or when it will be. The money does go to help another family if it isn't used by us so that is good but if people gave money wanting it to go to us then that could hamper things a bit. I am excited and not at the same time. I have some questions for them, can we give to it, as we were planning some of our tax return to go into the adoption fund anyway. So, I'll call and find out the particulars. I do want to apply to a couple of more places now that we aren't pressed for time. Some places took too long for the baby we were hoping for in January so I didn't bother with them.

I have a doctor's appointment finally. I had to reschedule and they couldn't get me in until over a week later. All due to this mandatory 1 hour pre-natal class I am required to attend before they will let me see the doctor. Trying to schedule both in one day has limited the days. Anyway, I'll be 20 weeks along before I first go. I have to say, we plan to have the baby at home so this is really a check-up for me after having a miscarriage and all. I am hoping he will schedule an ultrasound and I can see the baby for myself!!! I love that part of pregnancy. Seeing that beautiful little baby so perfect already!

Hoping all of you are having a good week. I am having a challenging day staying calm and peaceful at home with some particular situations so pray for the rest of the week. Pray God will give me grace and patience and the will to do what he would in these situations.